Past, Present, Future!

Until recently... I don't think I truly knew how being in love with someone felt. I say this, because I am IN LOVE with someone currently, and it is a different kind of feeling. It's hard to explain. Being "in love" and "loving" someone is a totally different thing. I'm "in love" with the Lord Jesus! I've loved only a few men in my life, 4 to be exact. I've only been "in love" with just one! (that's not including men in my life that are really good friends, I love them too, I'm talking relationships that lead to more. Specifically marriage, babies, and family...) 

#1 My high school boyfriend, we were "together" for 4 years. We are still friends. He's now married, with a child on the way.

#2 My first adult boyfriend. We dated 6 months. But I have known him since I was 2. So it was a friendship that turned into a relationship, it just turned out we were better friends than anything else. We are still friends, and he just recently got married. 

#3 The boy that I thought was the one. But I was proved wrong on so many occasions. We were together 5 years!! I, to this day don't even say hi when I see him, he broke my heart and shattered it into a million pieces, then jumped on all the millions of pieces that he had thrown down not caring enough to pick them up and give them back to me and say I'm sorry. He has yet to this day, still not apologized for what he did to me. I personally know he's not a good guy. I do wish him well though, and pray that someday he will find the Lord again. I forgave him and moved on, even if he hasn't! life is too short to dwell on such a negative, I've learned from my mistakes. And I try and live my life the way I feel like God wants me to. He was a mistake, but I don't regret those years, I learned a lot of what I don't want in a husband from him. That is a really sad statement, "I learned a lot of what I don't want in a husband from him." but it is a completely true one! 

#4 The man I seriously fell for, I don't even really know him. I've never had the chance to get to know him, and I don't believe I ever will. I know his spirit. I pray for him everyday, that the Lord would do what His will is in his life. I am trying to move on... Just get over him... But I have not been able to. I'm hoping by writing this, it might help me in some way. In the mean time, I'm just throwing what love I do have for him towards the Lord, because I can't tell him "I love you," I show the Lord that i love Him! The Lord is the only one that gets me through my day to day life right now. Without the Lord I would most likely be a very miserable person. Loving someone without the same love returned really hurts and is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life. I never knew something could hurt THIS much. To be honest, I have never been happier in my entire life. But I'm in MORE pain every day than I've ever been in my entire life. So to say the least... I dread seeing this person, and avoid him at all cost, but... Amen Lord! Your will be done! 

I am ready to be married. I am ready to have a husband. I NEED my life companion. I want to have a family someday.  

So for now... I have God. I love Him! He meets my every need. So even though I'm personally lonely in life right now. The Lord is by my side, He will never leave me! I pray everyday that the Lord brings me my perfect someone in His timing, His will, His one, His way! I have given my life fully to God, and will never let Him forget that! Lord keep me in the index of Your eyes!

Reflections. The good and the bad!

After observing people for so long... One has to wonder... "what are they thinking?" 

Some people have a good life. Some people have a ordinary life. Some people are just miserable for their entire lives. Some people have the time of their life daily. Some people live life to it's fullest potential, daily. 

I'm the later.. I live life to its full potential, daily! I am what you would call, "a over all rounded person." I love my life. I love my friends. I couldn't ask for a better family, i love them whole heartedly. I live my life with the view of: I'm going to have a great day, and make someone smile that normally wouldn't! I don't ever want to live a day without at least smiling once. I laugh, all the time. And I try and make people laugh that normally wouldn't.

I wonder how someone could live life, and not be happy. If you're not happy, find out why, and fix the problem. Find something that makes you happy. Because why would life be worth living if you're NOT happy? You only have one chance at life, and if you're lucky, you take life one step at a time and live it day to day. I don't see any other way. Every day brings something new to the plate, and you kind of have to take it as it is. Enjoy the good, Learn from the bad. 

Make no mistakes, I have had my good and bad days. I just choose to learn from the bad, and move on from it. I don't like to dwell on negative. Everyone has negative things going on in their lives. It's how you learn and deal with it, then move on from it that matters. The good is what counts. 

I have learned that most people remember the bad things that happen to them. How can you not? Something dramatic, or impressionable that impacts you're life... It's hard to forget something like that. But if you take the bad, learn from it and move on... Keep living life, and be happy with it. That's what matters! 

I wish that we could all take the good and remember that. The good things in life are amazingly awesome :)!! 

I have a list of things that make me happy. When something bad happens to me, I go back to the good things and say... "there is something good." I don't dwell on the bad, because if I did i would be a one miserable person!! I like being the happy person that I am. Living life day by day, thanking God for the blessings He has given me. Someday I will be so happy people will hate me for it. But you know what? I'm already one of the happiest people alive, and I would hope people would see that and ask me why. And I'll tell you now, why I am such a happy person. I have the most wonderful person in my life. His name is Jesus. He's my saving grace daily, My best friend, And my husband for always. He makes me smile daily and is always with me no matter what. He helps me through the  good the bad and the ugly. He is the reason I usually have a smile on my face. For without Him I would be nothing.